Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Two Week Wait: Cut Short

Two Week Wait Day 9: March 2, 2011

For all intents and purposes, the two week wait has turned into a 9 day wait and is over today. I started lightly bleeding this afternoon around 3:00 in the restroom at a school. Since I have my classic PMS headache and since today is the day my period is due, this was not a good sign - though spotting can sometimes be a pregnancy symptom. I knew it was over and I tried to pull myself together in the ancient wooden and brass faculty bathroom that a student had to unlock for me with her teacher's keys. I still had 20 minutes left of class time to get through. On my way out a parent volunteer who was on her way to the restroom stopped me and told me a long story about how often she had to go to the bathroom when she was pregnant. Ugh. I somehow zombied my way through the last 20 minutes of school and was able to make it to my car before completely losing it.

I called Randy and since I was close to downtown he directed me to pick him up (he rode the bus in) so he could come home with me. Through tears and fogged up sunglasses I saw my way to his office and then retreated to the passenger seat so that he could drive home while I cried. We decided we'd test as soon as we got home to confirm what we both know - that my period is starting. At 14 days past ovulation  and with an impending period, the risk of a false negative is very low. Here's the test. There's only one line where there should be two. Story of my life these last 5 years.

We spent the night in bed cuddling, crying, and eating pizza (what can't pizza make better?). Initially we had no hopes for this cycle - it was just something to get through in order to move out of this phase of life. But every single step of the process went SO well that hope seeped back in. We DID NOT want to get attached to this cycle, but how could we not when it seemed so unstoppable? Now we have crashed down to reality - off of our hope-high. A fall that would have been much softer if it wasn't from so high. So it really makes us wonder - if things do happen for a reason and if someone is watching over us - why have everything go so well only to trick us in the end? It seems so very cruel.


  1. So sad for you (and us all) :(

  2. Oh Kimmie. Love love and more love. Thinking of you guys. I wish there were answers.

  3. There aren't words... I'm so sorry. :(

  4. speechless and grieving for you. I love you so much.

  5. It does seem cruel. I have struggled with this idea with something else in my life which I won't even try to draw a comparison. Thinking of you...

  6. I am SO sorry! I have been praying and thinking of you guys daily.


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