...the rest of our lives

Hello there. I haven't been around these parts much lately. I took some time off from cyber-world to breathe and really, to figure out who I am now that I am officially no longer trying to conceive. It occured to Randy and I recently that its been five years since we have just been us- living our life for what it is instead of  for what we need it to be. Five years since we have had goals that weren't colored by our desperate quest. Five years since we haven't been carrying the extra weight that accompanies the sometimes invisible but ever present stress of trying, trying, trying. Five years since we haven't spent every day failing.



We dreamed of the day when we were finally released from the purgatory of trying - and often worried that it wouldn't be as freeing as we hoped. But our new circumstances have proven surprisingly liberating. The world seems full of promise for the first time in years. We want to live life and have fun and make plans and start projects and be sociable and delight in what we do have - each other. Don't get me wrong - I wish we had been successful. I wish our lost children were here in our arms. Nothing we do now will ever make up for our losses, and no one will ever convince me that they are part of a bigger plan that will work out for the best. But this is where we are now and though its not ideal, its so much better than being in limbo.



We feel like we have our lives ahead of us now and we can mold them however we want. We are going to take the summer to "find ourselves", as cliched as that sounds. We want to go camping, take photography classes, redecorate, travel, reinvent our business, and generally figure out who we are as two best friends living life together with no other objectives. We feel like we are in the first days of the rest of our lives.



*First two photos above taken with my new Canon Rebel T3i in Randy's parents' back yard. Bottom photo taken with my Sony DSC-T100 in Yellow Springs, Ohio in 2008.