M-Day

Armageddon is coming and it is disguised as a perfectly sweet and innocent, Halmark-filled, basking-in-the-goodness-of-warmth-and-comfort, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly, national holiday. And no amount of newfound freedom and optimism on my part can protect me from the perils it brings. I speak of course, of....of....I don't know if I can say it. M-m-m... Try again. M-M-m-mother's Day. Many people do not know how dangerous it is - how insidious. They don't know that it can eviscerate even the most battle-hardened infertile person, transforming her (albeit usually temporarily) into a bitter, world-hating, self-doubting volcano of rage and tears ready to explode at the slightest stimuli, from the Mother's Day Sale sign in the store window to the Facebook post encouraging us to say thanks to our moms.

Luckily for you, you have an inside source on the matter. You will know the truth! As you might expect, Mother's Day can be the hardest day of the year for an infertile woman. Its true that all holidays are difficult, as they generally revolve around family and children, but this one is the mother of them all (ha! see- I can be funny AND bitter!). Its kind of a nightmare scenario for us. A day when all the women who already have everything we so desperately seek are honored and showered with gifts just for being lucky enough to have the very thing we can't.  ACK! And on top of that, we have our own mothers to think about. Awesome, selfless, kind, and generous mothers who deserve to be honored because of how much they've done for us. But honoring our mothers on this day requires us to participate in the unholy abomination that is currently driving us mad!

So please excuse me for a while from polite society until the beast within retreats from the forefront. You won't see me on Facebook much this weekend as I can't bear to see status updates from my friends reporting on the breakfast-in-bed that their awesome kids and husband arranged for them. Profile pictures of my friends in joyous embraces with their children that already knock the wind out of me on a daily basis will prove too lethal this weekend. Church services are a breeding ground for unintentional heartache on Mother's day - no solace for my weary soul. And family events, no matter how understanding the family, are just recipes for disaster.

I think Randy and I will find something else to occupy our time and attention on Sunday and practice the "avoidance" strategy of coping. Or just maybe, I might make/buy myself a gift, as I am just as much a mother in spirit and intention as anyone out there - even though I have no one to make me handprint art or bring me burnt toast with a vase of dandelions on Sunday morning.

*Above photo taken with my new Canon Rebel T3i in Randy's parents' back yard.