Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I was cleaning out my closet and found these books buried in a bag I have not touched in two years. They had been packed in that bag and taken as my reading material during an ill-fated Memorial Day weekend trip that ended with my first miscarriage. We bought the books on the way home from the doctor's office after our initial positive blood test. We were elated and naive, thinking we had made it - and we decided to mark the occasion by purchasing our first pregnancy books. When the pregnancy ended I couldn't bear to look at the books or even think about them. I never unpacked my bag and instead scooted it to a dark corner of my closet, deciding to deal with it later.

And now its later. Since we have reached the end of our medical treatments and most likely the end of our chances of pregnancy, I have decided its time to end my relationship with these books as well. I couldn't let them go before because maybe I'd still need them and letting them go also meant having to deal with the possibility of failure. But now its time - I want them gone. They are from my old life - a place I don't want to live anymore. Of course it is possible that I will need them some day - stranger things have happened. But that is what libraries are for. And so I am donating those books and replacing them with these. Moving on and accepting where I am.

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