So Close

We were pregnant. And then we weren't.



Its happening all over again. A phone call from the nurse on Friday to tell us we were pregnant. A phone cal from the nurse on Monday telling us that our follow-up tests show that a miscarriage is imminent.

I have a baby. And its dying inside me. And there is nothing I can do about it. Again.

We are numb. We are tired. We are worn down. The tasks of daily life seem impossible right now - how can we go about our lives as though everything is normal when everything is so wrong? Piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and meal times that come and go seem simultaneously trivial and overwhelming.

It feels like no one is in charge. If someone was looking out for us, why would we get SO close after all this time, just to be devastated again? We were ready for another negative result. We were not ready to lose another child. If this is part of an overarching plan, its a plan I want nothing to do with. I feel broken and scarred by this journey. I know life will go on but right now I have nothing left.