Tuesday, April 5, 2011

So Close

We were pregnant. And then we weren't.

Its happening all over again. A phone call from the nurse on Friday to tell us we were pregnant. A phone cal from the nurse on Monday telling us that our follow-up tests show that a miscarriage is imminent.

I have a baby. And its dying inside me. And there is nothing I can do about it. Again.

We are numb. We are tired. We are worn down. The tasks of daily life seem impossible right now - how can we go about our lives as though everything is normal when everything is so wrong? Piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and meal times that come and go seem simultaneously trivial and overwhelming.

It feels like no one is in charge. If someone was looking out for us, why would we get SO close after all this time, just to be devastated again? We were ready for another negative result. We were not ready to lose another child. If this is part of an overarching plan, its a plan I want nothing to do with. I feel broken and scarred by this journey. I know life will go on but right now I have nothing left.


  1. There are simply no words Kim. Crying for you and wishing I could bear the pain for you. Love you beautiful girl.
    Aunt Lori Ann

  2. I fully believe that one day it will all make sense. One day the purpose will be clear. one day you'll look back and it will all be worth it, all the pain, anger and fear will have not been for not. Unfortuantly it is today and not one day and today it just sucks and seems pointless. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of thw other, clinging to each other until you get there. When it seems impossible know you'we never alone.

  3. I'm so sorry and grieving with you today. :-( Love you so much.

  4. Kim
    There are probably no words that anyone can say that will lighten this burden that has been placed upon you. It is truly too much and no one should be forced to endure this pain. Please take some comfort in knowing that you are loved by so many and allow that love to envelope you and your husband during this time of loss.
    prayers are with you and your husband.

  5. I'm so sorry. I've been praying and thinking about you a lot of the past couple weeks and will continue to do so.

    SO so sorry. :( -Kim

  6. Love you. Hurt for you. Praying your tears of grief will one day be tears of joy.


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